Broken But Not Dead

Yes. It’s true.

I’m completely shattered and broken.

My life as I know it is over.

I’ve been abandoned and betrayed by the man I told was the love of my life. He scoffed and said, “Meg, don’t be silly, you get more than one of those you know.” (No, you don’t).

I’ve been cast aside like garbage by the man I spent half of my life with.

I’ve been told I’m not worth the fight and am completely unwanted in one man’s life.

I literally cannot complete a sentence without bursting into tears.

And I’m completely surprised I can still draw breath.

But here is how:

I have a friend who dropped everything to bring me food for my children.

I have a friend who sat on my couch after work and told me how her life was rebuilt after the same thing happened to her.

I have a friend who emails me a song of encouragement every day.

I have a friend who will force me to take a shower and hold me accountable by smelling my hair at the bus stop. (Gross, but necessary.)

I have a friend who will let me sit on her sofa for hours and not hold a coherent conversation.

I have a friend who will call me and let me call her and say the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

I have a friend who will hold me as I cry.

I have a friend.

Right now, it’s not me breathing. It’s my friends drawing it for me, and I find that amazing.

25 thoughts on “Broken But Not Dead

  1. And don’t forget how amazing YOU are to all of those friends in your life. You certainly have alway given every bit of yourself whenever I needed a friend.

  2. You are in my thoughts and prayers daily. Take just one day at a time….my only advice. Looking to far ahead is not good. I pray you are able to mend your fences and move on. Keep your hands busy…crafts crafts…

  3. Sending positive energy your way. Release your pain through your tears – it’s good for your soul! Grieving simply takes time and you’re doing such a great job by reaching out to your friends. Keep your chin up and focus now on loving yourself. You, my friend, are a wonderful person with so many amazing talents. Focus on the wonderful things you have to offer and keep smiling – you never know who may be watching! 😉

    • My soul must be super powered by now based on all the tears 😉
      Thank you for your beautiful words and support Diane. I am truly blessed to have people like you reaching out for me!

  4. There are so many people who are grateful for you and who have been touched by your giving heart. It’s your turn to lean on those people and except what you have selflessly given. I know from first hand experience you are a strong woman and you will put one foot in front of the other and come out even stronger! Until you feel that…we will be there to remind you…

  5. You are loved by so many and by your children. I know that isn’t all you want right now, but you DO have that right now and you DON’T need a blankadi, blankadi, blank, blank, blank, fing blank like that in your life anyway….just sayin’……

  6. My goodness, you have no idea how much you are loved! The unfortunate one in this scenario is the guy who is causing you all this pain. He has not idea what he’s giving up… hopefully, he’ll find out shortly.
    xoxo Mom

  7. Miss Meg. I want you to know that I am grateful every day for having YOU in m life. YOU are selfless. YOU are beautiful. .. inside and out. YOU are smart. YOU are hilarious. YOU are loving and caring and kind. And YOU are safe because you are surrounded by loving and supportive family and friends who want to give back to you in the many ways you have given to them. YOU have every right to feel how you are feeling, when you feel it, and where you feel it. I love you.

  8. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I would not have made it through without my “balm squad” that fed me and housed me. I love the thought of them breathing for you until you can do it alone. And you will be able to. I know the shock and trauma you feel now. I know the crushing blow and the anticipation of the next. I want you to know that it does get better. It softens and receeds. Until then, all you have to do is take one more breath.

    • Lisa, I wish I could curl up with you on a sofa and have you tell me what comes next. The blows keep coming and I am constantly off balance. Thank you for telling me it gets better. I am trying to breathe. It’s so hard.

      • I wish I could too:) I think a few things happen – the blows slow, they are no longer so shocking as you adapt and, most importantly, you learn that you can handle them and they lose some of their power. And yes, breathing may be simple, but sometimes it’s the hardest thing ever.

    • Meg, I think of you daily and you are definitely in my prayers. He was the lucky one to share half his life with you and you gave him three beautiful children. For a man to give up so much,, he’s not thinking with his head. You will survive this Meg millions of women do but you are the one who has continued to grow through all this whether you think so or not. There will be a day when he realizes what he’s lost and you’ll be well on your way to another kind of happiness. You are a beautiful person inside and out & will make it through this an even better person. Love ya.

    • My husband just left at the beginning of the month after months of pretending and lying. As awful as this is, that was worse…because I still had so much hope. I hope you have friends to support you. If not, find a DivorceCare group (look online for a local one). It has been very helpful to be with people who understand. Good luck!

  9. Listen to what I am saying please and know please please know that what I am saying is true. I am Bipolar, the biggest mess of a person you can find, suicide attempt galores, institutionalized galore, this time it is different because I am forcing myself to look at God. Pick up Louise Hays book, have your friend purchase it for you. My break up should have been the end of me but instead it is now becoming a new beginning. You read my blogs. All of them are so true. I cover my head with my blanket because my Bipolar wants to pull me under and wants to take over and want me to end up in a hospital because omg I love him so much, but I have to continue this journey of accepting this pain and putting one foot in front of the other no matter what. Get the Louise Hay book please, it will help you I promise!! God bless you honey, I walk in your shoes with you everyday but this time I have some wisdom under my belt.

    • I will get her book. Thank you for the suggestion. I’ve been reading Power Thoughts by Joyce Meyer, and it has been very helpful. Thank you for reaching out to me! Thank you and God bless you too! 🙂

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