Paging Hope

Hope. That is a four letter word. I have to believe in it though. I have to.

Today is a tough one.

My oldest is turning 18 tomorrow.

The kids were supposed to have a nice day with their father. That’s been the plan, anyway.

My son (who is 9) refused to go.

“If Mom can’t go, I’m not going either.”

How do you answer that?

Please go, Buddy…Mommy is fine.

No. No. NO.

I have two devastated kids on my hands. One because she wants her brother to join in the fun, and one because he wants to join in the fun and feels torn — he wants to protect his Mama and he is angry with Daddy and doesn’t have the words.

And I have a third kid who ran out of the house to be with her Dad because she sees you have to take it when you can get it.

And in the midst of all of this, my oldest asks me how I would feel if she met her. Because if she is so important to him, then maybe if they met, she’d be able to figure out why he’s picking her over us.

All control is gone. For all of us.

And all the while, my husband’s assertion that this doesn’t affect anyone but me and him continues to ring hallow in my ears.

And he gets to drive off in a huff and leave a 9-year-old feeling even more guilty about being angry at his father…and a mother and wife wondering, yet again, what the heck is going on…How did I get here?

There are no answers.

There never seems to be enough kleenex.

Please tell me this is going to get better.

It has to.

Please send kleenex.

 

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14 thoughts on “Paging Hope

  1. I am so sorry my dear friend. Nothing could possibly be more hurtful and frustrating. I wish I had words that would help. Do you 2 wanna come play over here for a bit? Join us for dinner? Can I bring you and your precious little man some dinner?

  2. Meg and kids, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Only wish I had some powerful comment to send your way. Beside caring whats happening to you, the kids have their own hurts and like you, they will have to work their way through them. They say you have to forgive before you can go on, it won’t be easy but you all deserve better than what you’re doing now. It will get better, I know everyone tells you that but it is true. Kailey will be starting a whole new phase in her life very shortly and deserves a chance to enjoy it
    You will be a big big part of that and she’ll need you. When you lest expect it, you will laugh again and even enjoy mixing with others. The kids really need their mom right now, play games together, watch a movie that’ll make you all laugh till you wet your pants, just sit together and talk about the good old days. The four of you are now leaning on one another and really need to move on. Will be strong medicine for all of you. You’ll all be in my thoughts and prayers. Barb
    .

    • Collins needs to do what Collin feels BEST about doing…..whether it is to stay home and console his mommy (he’s trying to be a big man here) or go with day and ENJOY whatever they are doing together. I agree with Barb – don’t have him dwell on his decision – play a game, watch a movie together, etc. The kids can not make a wrong decision right now, they have to do what is best for them. And you , my dear, need to do what is best for you. Celebrate Kayleigh’s birthday and life tomorrow – nothing else, just her! Enjoy it, eat cake, eat pizza, (I like to eat) and just be together. Love you all.

  3. Meg, I so wish there was something I could say or do to make this better for you. I will pray as hard and often as I can so you & the kids get some relief from your pain. I do know that you all have a lot of people that care so deeply for all of you. Know that we all are in your corner.

  4. My prayers are with you, I have been where you are, and I can tell you it can get better with time and forgiveness. In my experience the first person I had to forgive was myself, then I could forgive him and the “thems”. God bless you and keep you. My prayers are with you and your chidlren. (Even with him I suppose, but that is hard. πŸ™‚

    • Thanks Bethmarie. I try to pray for him every day too. It’s not easy, but I know it’s needed. I appreciate your comment and thanks for telling me it can get better. πŸ™‚

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