So, in less than a month I’ll be at the one year point.
The one year point from my 40th birthday.
The day I woke up to nothing.
The day I was told “I love you but I’m not IN love with you.”
The day my twenty year relationship was changed forever.
I didn’t realize it at the time, of course. I was completely unaware of the existence of “her”. I was going to spend the next 7 months thinking it was me and something I did (and, therefore could fix). I was going to desperately “work” on my marriage. Alone.
In the time that has passed during this year, I have been to hell. I have been to the edge…living much of the time in a darkness that is inexplicable. It consumed me. It nearly killed me.
I nearly let it. And, honestly, at times, I would have been okay if it did.
But here’s the thing.
It didn’t kill me.
It swallowed me whole and spit me out the other side.
And, now I have almost a year under my belt.
And I am a completely different person.
But, I am so much stronger than I ever thought. And I have such love that surrounds me on a daily basis.
And, I will wake up to nothing again on my birthday this year.
But, it will be on my own terms this year.