I don’t generally swear.
But this has to be shared:
Just move on. It will be okay.
I am not saying that you should not learn from the past. I’m not saying you shouldn’t grieve for your losses. I’m not saying it makes any sense. It never will.
What I am saying is that there comes a time when it is perfectly acceptable to look at the mess that someone else created and realize there is nothing there for you. There is nothing you could have done differently. There is nothing you can do to justify what happened. There are no explanations. It’s just there. It’s just reality now.
And, when you move on…it’s the best feeling in the world. Doors open that you didn’t even realize were closed. People show up that you didn’t even know cared. Life happens. It’s different, it’s scary to do, it’s daunting and sometimes a little painful…but it is a million times better than pining and wondering and beating yourself up. It’s a million times better than focusing on someone who doesn’t deserve to be focused on. It’s a million times better for you.
Now, there is a time for massive support. The very beginning is horrifying. You don’t know if you are coming or going. I found a support group of people going through the same thing. I found comfort there. But, I started to notice that I was feeling better and every time I went back, I felt worse because I was focusing on what happened…not what was coming up in my life. I was talking about the past and not the future.
I can’t change that. I can only change what is still going to happen.
So I left the group. I took control and gave myself permission to move on.
And, I left my old life in the past. (I know it had already left me a long time ago…but I was still holding on…so I let it go.)
And you know what happened?
I’m breathing on my own. Every. Day.
And you know who is not?
Yep, you guessed it.
My ex. (Anyone notice this? It is the first time I am referring to him as my “ex” in print. Can I get a high five?)
My guess is that it will continue to spiral down for him as I continue to grow stronger.
Do you know why?
Because guilt will do that to a person. It is heavy and weighs you down. And I have nothing to feel guilty about.
So, this is my new life. I am in charge. I even painted my nails. And, I wouldn’t go back now even if I could.
Who saw that coming?