Staying Alive

I realized the funniest thing today.

My life, as I know it, has changed.

No, not my married vs. single life. The quality of my daily existence has changed.

It is an ever evolving target that I didn’t realize I was constantly aiming for and pushing forward.

When I look back, it’s easy to see the progression of my daily objectives:

It used to be to stay alive. Yes. Just stay alive.

I moved on to drawing breath on my own. Like I used to…n0t having to remind myself to do it, just breathing was impossible for a while.

Then it moved on to putting my feet on the floor.

I progressed to dressing.

And when I could handle that, I decided to go crazy and throw showering in the mix.

I moved on to schooling my face to react in the appropriate manner to people and not carry the hallow, worn out look of my soul on the outside.

Then, I began to engage in conversations that didn’t revolve around me and my misery.

I started to look for opportunities to heal with an activeness that defied my energy level.

I came back into the world of the living.

And, I finally have morphed into a regular human being again. And none of those things that I had to relearn are hard any longer. They became real. They became who I am and what I do on a daily basis. I don’t know exactly how or when, but they did.

Admittedly, I still have a very hard time with eating and sleeping. Neither of those seems to come easily. I have to remind myself that the rhythms of life demand both; however, I am making strides in those departments too.

And, I am back at full capacity at work…in fact, most days, over full capacity.

I think it was a combination of my pushing and people pulling me, and I can honestly say I am surprised that I am still standing here. But I am. I still have a very long road of court dates and settlement talks ahead…but I’ve made it this far and I’m not giving up now.

Because, it’s a beautiful to be alive again, and I’m not willing to compromise that for anything or anyone, ever again.


2 thoughts on “Staying Alive

  1. Way to go Meg. I knew you could do it. Fortunately, YOU get to grow and see new light and he loses everything. He lost YOU, and he lost respect from his children. They will never seem him ion the same light again. How sad. You have come into your own. Wasn’t easy, but you did it. I am sure your family is amazed at how you have gone from miserable to happy. Keep taking it one day at a time and you can achieve whatever you dream. You have beautiful children..I love watching them go to proms etc. and see how amazing a mother you are.
    Just one more thing…please start doing crafts again and share them. You are very creative. Enjoy your new summer….
    with the kiddies.

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