One

So, in less than a month I’ll be at the one year point.

one

The one year point from my 40th birthday.

The day I woke up to nothing.

The day I was told “I love you but I’m not IN love with you.”

The day my twenty year relationship was changed forever.

I didn’t realize it at the time, of course. I was completely unaware of the existence of “her”. I was going to spend the next 7 months thinking it was me and something I did (and, therefore could fix). I was going to desperately “work” on my marriage. Alone.

In the time that has passed during this year, I have been to hell. I have been to the edge…living much of the time in a darkness that is inexplicable. It consumed me. It nearly killed me.

I nearly let it. And, honestly, at times, I would have been okay if it did.

But here’s the thing.

It didn’t kill me.

It swallowed me whole and spit me out the other side.

And, now I have almost a year under my belt.

And I am a completely different person.

But, I am so much stronger than I ever thought. And I have such love that surrounds me on a daily basis.

And, I will wake up to nothing again on my birthday this year.

But, it will be on my own terms this year.

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3 thoughts on “One

  1. not nothing… so VERY much something! an amazing and beautiful YOU. you could be walking planet earth all alone, and the “something-ness” of you would still be overwhelming!
    Not to mention all those devoted people in your life that are smart enough to see the value in you and hold onto it tightly!

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