Some days I’m sick of turning the other cheek.
I want to scream from the rooftops about the injustice of what has happened. I want to wail about the fact that my husband is off on vacation with another woman…living…without me. I want to bemoan being a single mother. I want to explode at the fact that this person who used to share my life wants to include “her” in my children’s lives and activities. I want to spoon my mental eye out when I think about all of them together.
And I want to cry at the deep and forever loss of the man who used to be. Because, he’s gone. And that is really, really sad.
I’m worn out.
I’m tired of having to search for the beautiful everyday.
I’d like it to just be there.
I’d like to tell you that I just wake up positive every day. And that I know it will be okay every day. And that I’m okay every day.
But, some days, that’s just not true. Some days it is still so hard to get out of bed (if I make in there at all in the first place). Some days I honestly think it’s just not worth the effort to be the better person.
Some days…it’s so easy to forget that I’ve already made it through some pretty tough crap.
Some days, this is all that gets me through.
Hopefully, it keeps being enough.