Erasing the Past

He’s erased me from his life on Facebook. (Duh, Meg, he’s erased you from his real life too! I know that; however, for some reason this feels different.)

The years of family photos, and photos of him and I, and ones of just me are gone.

I am trying to understand the moving forward.

I guess I just can’t fathom the erasing of the past.

Truth be told, it’s certainly not the worst thing he’s done to me.

But to think of this man, with whom I built a life, sitting at a computer just intentionally deleting images of me pulls the breath out of my lungs.

Who does that?

And why? Always why….

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4 thoughts on “Erasing the Past

  1. cuz he has too much free time. it would do him some good to get out there with that free time and do something for someone else. out of kindness. but i don’t think everyone has that in them. sad.

  2. I do not think it is possible to erase the past, and as much as his “instant fix” to remove images from a “social media” site might seem like him “erasing” you… that means NOTHING, he has done nothing to erase the past, the beginning, the ending, the present. He just can’t do that. He can’t take away what it was, the memories, the good things as well as the bad things. Those are part of the story, your story and his story. They are forever. Your part of the story now becomes to not buy into what this selfish man decides to do, because it changes NOTHING about YOU! That is about him, his inability to have “real”, to be “real” to stay “real”. You know you can do “real” and won’t settle for less, you are doing it right now… going through the “real” of losing the man you thought was forever. Is it unfair, absolutely. You loved…deeply…fully…completely…and you LOST. Its okay to say that! That truly sucks more than anything. But…you don’t just erase that with hitting the delete button a few times. What you do, is exactly what you are doing. You keep being real, you keep challenging those beliefs about what this is and what this all means {really challenge them… instead of: “I mean nothing” (focusing on the end)….be honest: “I have a history with him that shows I/we did mean something”(look at all the meaning that you had in 20 years)} You keep being the strong one here and stay away from doing those things that cause you to challenge what you were to him (the ending is not the full story). Stay away from his facebook (when you have the urge, quickly unplug the computer…then go outside, run as fast as you can down the block until you cannot run anymore (neighbors might wonder ;)…until you are out of breath…and then tell yourself you love yourself and you deserve peace and happiness, that you are worthwhile and deserve so much more… walk home, and do something “good” for you). We really have to change our thinking, which is so hard, often seeming impossible… when we are in that dark hurting place. Think about your life in one year, dream big about it, all the things you WANT to be feeling, experiencing, and having in your life. DREAM BIG…because it is our thoughts that our body hears that takes us to our next place of being. Stay “real” for Meg…be the one that pushes her butt and steps in to “take care of her” the next time she wants to go looking for places that replay the end and the hurt. Much love. Tanya

    • Tanya, I have been trying for days to formulate a response to you. Every time I sit down, I re-read what you wrote and cry. You have made sense of such a horrible action in a way I could not come to on my own. Thank you. I now know if he truly believed what he was doing was right, and if he was really “over” me, it wouldn’t matter if my image was there or not. He would be able to look at it with the love and respect of a fond and distant memory. The fact that he can not do that proves to me that he has much guilt about his choices. It somehow makes me happy and sad at the same time that a person I’ve never actually met (you) can think so highly of me and say such beautiful things. I hope your journey is going well and I send much love back to you!

  3. Hi Tanya, I just came across your Blog after posting an almost identical post about my husband deleting all photos of me from his Facebook account. I am not in our 10th Wedding Anniversary to Venice, not in our holiday to Thailand and Vietnam when I was 5 months pregnant with our son and not in our holiday to Turkey or Marrakech. All albums look like a single man having the time of his life on his own. I struggle so much with the further betrayal that this is. But I have to hold onto the fact deep down I know he cannot erase me and I do and did exist in all those 16 years of marriage and 22 years of relationship. The son whom he adores and longs to spend more time with could not be here today if I had not carried him for 9 months and given birth to him. I cling on to the fact that I know the truth and somewhere deep down in the pit of who is he, he knows the truth too. Maybe he needed to delete me so he wouldn’t have to face the truth of his repeated betrayals and be reminded of what a cowardly man he really is. Hope you’re ok. Keep smiling and keep trying to look at the view and not the closed door. Anna x

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