Goodbye, and thank you.

It’s over.

And, it truly is not you. It’s me. Totally, utterly, completely me.

I can’t come back here any more.

I can’t look back any longer. I can’t analyze. I can’t dissect. I can’t examine. There is nothing left to see.

I won’t do it. More importantly, I don’t want to.

I want to go back to living my life looking forward. To dreaming about the future. Analyzing, dissecting, and examining the possibilities. And I don’t want to invite him along. And, I can’t take you. Because you are tied to him.

I know it’s different for everyone. Some people can look in all directions at once. Some people can meld the past and the future.

But, I’m different. I need a clean break. I’m not who I was when I started this journey. This blog belongs to another woman. A woman that I no longer recognize.

She is me. But I am no longer her. And, like my old life, she is of the past. And all the pain and suffering? All that needs to stay here.

Because there is no room for any of that in my life now. My life is full. Of good things. Of GREAT things. And I am going to be exceedingly selfish about who and what I allow in.

So, goodbye Meg, who was his wife. You really were a wonderful wife. You were dealt a shit hand. You didn’t deserve it. Life rarely works in the way that people get what they really deserve, both good and bad. I truly want to thank you for paving the way for me. I will never forget what you did for me. I will always be thankful that you were strong enough to create me.

But, I have to leave you here.

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8 thoughts on “Goodbye, and thank you.

  1. Thank you for being there sharing this painful journey through the feelings of hopelessness, pain, sorrow and dispair. I completely understand the need to fully and completely look out ahead to what is coming without constantly clouding it by checking what is in the rear view of our experience. This place of connecting was a godsend at a time where my days were based in minutes, not knowing how or if i would get through to the next one. Somehow knowing that there were kindred spirits walking this same path of loss and heartbreak made it a place of solace and comfort in those darkest moments. Hourly check-ins turned to daily and then eventually weekly ones. Other everyday things began to replace my dependency, allowing me to exist and be okay doing so. Its funny that although i am doing better, starting to believe that down the road there may be “good” in store for me, i still have those times that hit me like a rear ender that i didnt see coming which brings me to my knees as i clutch my heart and accept the steady stream of tears flowing. Even then I know that i need to remain focused on “ahead” and not “behind” because hope exists only in one of those directions. Bless you Meg and your kids as you continue to walk this journey. Know that there are others beside you walking a similar path and you dont have to go back to find us, we exist all around you. Thank you for sharing your experience, your words carried me through some dark times. Goodbye and I wish you a future beyond anything you can dream. Much love Meg, and may peace and joy become embeded deep within your being. Tanya

    • Oh Tanya,
      Thank you for your beautiful words. I am so blessed to have found a place where I could be me, raw and unfiltered, to navigate this hell I was thrown into. I get rear-ended occasionally, as well, but they are fewer and farther between. Much love and blessings to you, as well. Though we never met, I will carry our connection for the remainder of my days and cherish you. I wish you nothing but joy, peace and ALL the good things 🙂
      xoxo -Meg

  2. Cannot even express to you the profound sense of pride I have just to know you, let alone to have read this and been a quiet part of such an inspirational journey unfolded before me as I tearfully read each post. You amaze me. I am so grateful to have been put on your path, even a tiny part, for you have impacted my life more than you know. 💟

    • Donna,
      You’ve impacted my life, as well, dear friend. I am equally amazed. I shut down my FB page for awhile, as part of the healing…Jen is still there and can get me if you ever need anything. xoxo Thank you for everything!

  3. Been thinking about you and noticed your FB was gone. Praying for nothing but good in 2015 for you and the kids. You deserve it. Hugs!

    • Thanks, Liz! Just couldnt watch the train wreck any longer and had to let go. If you don’t have it, Laura has my number. Would still love that lunch sometime 🙂

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